Day by Day

This journey is a roller coaster...last week I was doing great this week not so great.
I am leaving to go on business for a week, which makes my other half stressed and depressed.
We went through a not so good time early last year, we had drifted apart. Luckily we realised and dragged the relationship back from the brink..but this scarred him deeply.

Now when I travel he can't get the thought out of his head that I will meet someone else and run off to be with them. Thus splitting up or family and devastating him.
This week had been tough on me he has been drinking a lot.

Also this week in the paper was the eulogy from the sister of the guy who took his own life last week (see post below). It was beautifully written, she is an alcoholic herself (she is and has been sober for a number of years now).
She writes how alcoholics are like hurricanes, tearing through the lives of others and leaving devastation and profound wounds..I am teary just writing these words ..
I felt so down last night and started thinking about my children, what if they have the same genes as cause this terrible disease?? How will I deal with my kids been alcoholics too..the thought just kills me.
Today is a new day, progress not perfection on my own AL-anon recovery gets me through day by day.

Back again

Hi,
I have been off for a while, we went to visit our familes and recheck out our home towns.
It's been a while since we went back to the UK.

Went to my first meeting after our vacation, everyone at Al-Anon was happy to see me.
I think they were worried I wouldn't return.
My other half went to AA on Monday night, only to find out that one of the guy's there had hung himself.
He had left his home as usual, walking to his AA meeting...he never turned up.
Very very sad.

On the other side of that, I have been a lot calmer.
I have been going with the let go, let God slogan these past two weeks and it's done me good.
I hope it continues..we'll see. He is still drinking but I am dealing with it a lot better.
:)

meeting last night

I went to my weekly meeting last night, the chairperson's topic was acceptance.
Everyone had something to say about this topic and there was a bunch of great shares.

The one that really struck me is that acceptance is not condoning.
It's so true, I accpet my husband's drinking because I cannot control and change it...yet I do not condone it.

Another thing that someone mentioned to which I totally understood was "I am grateful for the alcoholics I met in my life..without them I would have not realised that my behaviour was wrong and needed changing".
That is also true for me, changing my behaviour in how I deal with these situations has made me take a good hard look at myself and my behaviour in general.

over and out..

I did not realise how ill I had become, I attended my first al-anon meeting just a few weeks ago.

It had made me aware of my own sickness...the family sickness.


I had been living in denial for years about it, If I look back now I knew he was an alcoholic from day one. In search of my sanity and some serenity I turned to al-anon as a recommendation from a friend.
I had no idea what to expect, I thought I would turn up and they could just give me answers and then I would go away and get to control the situation...oh yes..I had much to learn!
Now I realise, there is no control..the best thing is to accept what is happening and control my own behaviour and detach from the controlling and screaming or silent behaviour I was throwing around.
I have to learn to love this man and seperate him from this disease and not hate him any longer.

Peace.